Wedding Party or Party of Two: Debating the Decision
As a seasoned wedding planner entrenched in the hustle and bustle of Philadelphia's wedding scene, I've seen it all. From elaborate affairs to smaller soirées, each couple brings their own flair to the table.
Yet, amidst the sea of traditions, there's an intriguing trend emerging — one that's caught my attention and, dare I say, piqued my interest.
It seems that more and more couples are daring to buck the trend of the traditional wedding party (i.e. bridesmaids, groomsmen) in favor of a more streamlined approach, opting to forego assigning roles and instead incorporating their favorite people in more intentional ways
Let's roll up our sleeves and dive into the practical pros and cons of this evolving phenomenon, and perhaps it will help you decide whether having a wedding party is right for you and your partner.
Before we dive in any further, it's important to remember that there is no one-size-fits-all approach.
The decision whether to have a wedding party is entirely personal and should be based on what feels right to you and your partner.
While this blog post aims to shed light on the pros and cons of having a wedding party, ultimately, the choice is yours to make. So, take these insights with a grain of salt, trust your instincts, and create a day that is authentically yours.
Also, for the purposes of this article, I’m using the term “Wedding Party”. It can also be called a Bridal Party, Best People, or whatever applies to you. Some commonly used terms include honorary attendants like a Maid/Matron of Honor, Best Man, or Best Person — plus additional VIPs like Bridesmaids, Bridesmen, Groomsmaids, Groomsmen, and children attendants like Flower Girls/Children and Ring Bearers.
Pros of Having a Wedding Party
Your Wedding Party can be your support system.
When it feels like you're drowning in a sea of wedding planning details, having a wedding party can be your lifeline. Think of them as your personal cheerleaders, ready to tackle projects, provide emotional support, and ensure you don't lose your sanity in the process. (Just make sure you’re balancing out the relationship with filling their tanks too)
Having a Wedding Party is “tradition”.
Ah, tradition — the backbone of many a wedding. If you're the type who gets misty-eyed at the thought of something old, something new, having a wedding party can add that extra dash of sentimentality to your big day.
…Though I’d highly recommend going down the fun (and slightly disturbing) rabbit hole of where the roles of bridesmaids and groomsmen originated from. 😳
It’s about sharing memories with your favorite people.
Picture this: you and your favorite humans, laughing, crying, and possibly even dancing on tables together. The memories you'll create with your wedding party are the stuff of legend — ones you'll ideally reminisce about for years to come.
You have designated time for photos together.
You've spent months agonizing over every detail of your wedding, so why not capture it all on camera? Having a wedding party means more people to strike a pose, resulting in a veritable treasure trove of Instagram-worthy shots with your most favorite people.
Cons of Having a Wedding Party
It’s often more expensive to have a Wedding Party.
In many cases, having a Wedding Party means added costs for things like bouquets, boutonnieres, corsages, attire, hair, makeup, jewelry, accessories, and gifts. Plus, you often need larger vehicles for transportation and more time with your photographer for photos. Not all of these expenses are expected to be covered entirely by the couple, but it does add up.
It’s expensive to be part of a Wedding Party.
Ah, the age-old dilemma: to be in a wedding party or to eat for the next month? Being part of a wedding party can be a financial black hole — from purchasing or renting specific attire, paying for hair and makeup, additional travel and events, and more — costs add up faster than you can say "open bar." And that can be a lot to ask of your loved ones.
Wedding Parties logistically make the day more complicated.
Coordinating schedules, wrangling a group of people, and trying to herd cats suddenly seem like child's play compared to organizing a wedding party. Add in the fact that everyone has their own opinions and preferences, and you've got a recipe for chaos.
To put it simply: more people = more logistics = more time to make things happen.
There’s a potential for drama.
Let's be real — putting a group of people together in fancy attire and adding copious amounts of alcohol is a recipe for drama. Plus, there’s the general act of choosing who is and isn’t going to be part of that “exclusive” group.
If you ARE planning to have a Wedding Party, I’m a very big proponent of only surrounding yourself with folx that offer positive vibes more often than negative ones.
There is a lot of pressure and expectation.
As a couple, you can have people in your life that are expecting to be part of your Wedding Party, but it doesn’t feel right to you. Asking some and not others can have some lasting waterfall affects on your relationships.
Plus, being part of a wedding party comes with its own fair share of expectations. Suddenly, you're not just a friend or family member — you're a personal attendant, therapist, model, and professional speaker all rolled into one. No pressure, right?
What are some alternatives to having a Wedding Party?
In a world where anything goes, why stick to tradition? Many couples are opting to skip the whole wedding party rigamarole altogether, opting instead for more intentional time with their loved ones.
Forgo the titles and choose your own adventure.
Instead of assigning formal roles, consider treating your close family members and friends as VIPs (Very Important People). This means including them in the special moments that YOU want to include them in like the processional, speeches, and even getting ready together, without the pressure of specific titles or duties.
There is NO rule that says you have to get ready all by yourself if you don’t have a wedding party. And you can still make time for photos with a specific group of friends — without making them wear matching outfits.
Just stick to honorary members, like a Maid of Honor and Best Man.
If you still want to recognize certain individuals (or know you’ve got an automatic, built-in sidekick) without having a full-blown wedding party, consider giving just one or two people honorary roles.
Consider giving VIPs other roles throughout the day.
You could have a beloved family member officiate the ceremony, ask a close friend to give a reading, or a invite a sibling to perform a musical piece. There are many ways to incorporate your loved ones in the day.
Go small and focus on the two of you.
If you opt to elope or have a microwedding, you can focus solely on exchanging vows in an intimate setting with just a handful of loved ones present. This allows you to bypass the need for a wedding party altogether and focus on what truly matters — your commitment to each other.
Or go big, and just focus on the two of you. Truly, size doesn’t matter here.
Nothing says that the Wedding Party has to stand during your ceremony.
Unless you’re inviting the “wedding police” to your wedding, there’s no rule book on what your wedding party do and do not have to be part of. If you want to be at your ceremony altar with just your partner and officiant, everyone else can sit — whether they walk down the aisle or are seated before the ceremony begins.
This goes for anything. Not all Best Men give speeches. Not all bridesmaids wear the same color or dress style. And Ring Bearers usually don’t even have the real rings.
Focusing more on the WHY behind who you’re including and how you’re including them often results in a much more calm, enjoyable, and smooth day for everyone involved.
As a Philadelphia-based wedding planner who's weathered the storm of matrimonial madness, I can't help but give a cheer for the growing trend of ditching the wedding party. Sure, it's not for everyone, but there's an undeniable charm to a celebration that puts the focus squarely on the couple themselves.
Whether you choose to strut down the aisle with a gaggle of bridesmaids and groomsmen in tow or opt for keeping things more intentional, remember this: your wedding day should reflect you and your partner.
So, go ahead, embrace the practicality, shrug off the traditions, and craft a celebration that's authentically, unapologetically you.
